VBAC or Elective?

When I was pregnant with Charlie I believed that whatever would be would be. He was my first baby and I had no idea what it would be like to give birth. You can be told so many different accounts of what will happen but you can't ever know what its like until you are the one going through it. I didn't focus on how I was going to get him out or how I wanted it to go I believed that my body would tell me what to do and that it would all work out.
And it did, even though I ended up with a pretty rough experience of giving birth to Charlie it still happened and was the best experience of my life.

So why now, on my second pregnancy am I so anxious about it?

This time, because of my previous experience I have been offered the option of either a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) or to opt for an Elective C-section. I make this decision tomorrow.

For most of my pregnancy I have been swaying heavily on the side of having an elective c-section, I was pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to birth Charlie vaginally and was proved right, but after over a year I feel like I could of tried harder. Because I felt so strongly that I wasn't going to be able to do it I feel like in my own mind I didn't give it my all which is what I really believe in. I know that the reason I had to have an emergency c-section with Charlie has nothing to do with what I was thinking but it still plays on my mind. If I had of given it my full attention and power could things of been different?
If we go with elective we get to have a much better idea of what will happen. We will be given a date and therefore be able to organise childcare for Charlie that won't disrupt his routine to much, something I really want to focus on.
We rule out the risk of trying to do it naturally and then having to have an emergency and also the risks that are involved with having a VBAC such as 'scar rupture' something that scared the bejibers out of me when mentioned.
However the recovery time will be a lot longer and definitely harder. I think that having to spend so much time in hospital on flat ground doing nothing but resting with my baby really helped my recovery with Charlie. But this time fingers crossed we won't be in hospital as long as before, we'll be able to come home and there will be housework that I know I won't be able to leave alone, stairs that I know I'll struggle to make and a toddler that will need and want his Mummys attention.

On the other hand.

More recently I've been considering trying for a VBAC, in my notes currently its written that preferred inclination is towards a VBAC. I won't let them talk me in to a decision I don't want as they have given me the option to choose, but if they think I can try and do it then it gives me a little hope. If we let things take the natural course I think I could give it a really good go and be able to deliver this baby the natural way. But with that comes so many risks and worries.
Obviously the biggest question is will it happen again? Will we spend days exhausted to then be told we are having an emergency c-section, and if the answer to that is leaning towards a yes its something I really don't want to do. We have Charlie to think about now and having his parents away for a couple of days will really disrupt his life before the even bigger disruption of his baby brother joining our family. We were exhausted by the end of the labour with Charlie and I couldn't put us through that again. There are more risks of having a VBAC than having a normal vaginal birth and those risks scare me, along with the actual thought of pushing out whats turning out to be a large baby body out of my little human body!

I am so torn as to what to decide. We have another growth scan at 34 weeks and will be seeing the consultant afterwards to discuss our options. I'm thinking that it will be a spear of the moment decision after having our options talked through. Ben is really supportive of what decision we make, he has his preference but has said that it is my body which is being put through either one of the choices made and therefore the final decision is mine. What I'll decide at the moment I have no idea, everyone has their opinions and thoughts but ultimately it is my decision as to what I decide to try for. There are so many risks to both, so many pros and cons, its a very difficult decision.

Did you have a vbac or elective, and how did you make your decision? What are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments.
You can read all about my birth experience with Charlie here and about the days after here

Love E, xo
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