I remember when I sat my GCSEs, I spent every evening revising, it was on my mind 24/7 I would even dream about it. It was then the most important thing I had ever had to do and in my mind it would set out the path for the rest of my life. And it did. I managed to come away with some really good grades and I will always be proud of how hard I worked to achieve them. When I got in to the college I had applied for I soon realised that something wasn't right. I wasn't enjoying my lessons like I had at school, I couldn't see an end goal in them and knew that I had no idea of what it was I wanted to do with my life and couldn't see how those subjects would help me in any way. To cut a long story short I quit college and started working and quickly enjoyed earning money and living a more adult life.
But I wanted more. I loved learning, I thrive from learning new things and not being in a learning environment killed me a little. I knew that I had to get back in to it somehow and get some higher grades behind me other than my GCSEs. I wanted more for myself academically and in the working world and knew that I had to get some qualifications to do that. I applied for an Access to Higher Education course and loved every second. I was one of the youngest students on the course and it taught me a huge lesson. YOU ARE NEVER TO OLD. There were so many different people of different ages on my course for so many different reasons, some were doing it to get to university to study and go in to their dream career, others were doing it as something to further themselves and others were doing it for something to do with their lives.
I had always felt that because I hadn't gone down the 'right' path of doing my GCSEs, getting my A-levels and then getting a degree that I had somehow failed. But I hadn't.
From going back to college I realised what it was exactly I want to do with my life. Aside from being a wife and mother I want more for myself. I want to show my children and my husband that I can be more, that I can work hard and achieve anything I put my mind too and that just because I didn't do it the way most do, it doesn't make it any less hard work or special.
I have always wanted to help others, in any way that I possibly could. And through going back to college realised that I really wanted to become a counsellor. I applied for a course at University that would have got me on the right path and then I fell pregnant with Charlie. University that year wouldn't of worked so I looked at alternative options and found that I can study part time on a more intense course that will give me the exact qualifications I need. I'm hoping to start this journey in to counselling in September.
But right now the most important thing in my life is my family. Looking back in hindsight I know that whatever grades I had got I would of been OK, as long as I worked hard and knew in my own mind that I had done my best it would of been fine. I just wish that I could of had a looking glass to this moment right now and saw that I am fine, I am happy, I am loved and I am living a really nice life. And that the stress I surrounded myself with every day wasn't needed.
For my sisters and all of those studying for their exams I want to tell them to try and let go of some of that stress. That even though right this second it is the most important thing in your life, its OK. Life will have its path for you academically and otherwise. And it will be great.