Feeling better.

Even though my laptop and all my photos are broken and unobtainable I can still write using my tablet. This week I am hoping to fix my laptop as I hate not being able to blog like I want to. But whilst I am able to write I thought I would update you all on how I am feeling. A couple of weeks ago I talked about having the 'baby blues' and was so humbled with the response I got from talking about how I was feeling.

I am so pleased to report that I am feeling so much better. So much so that I am now off my tablets! I am no longer having low days and find that I am so much happier in myself now than I was. I wrote about how I was struggling to find out who the new me was now that I was a mum, and this was my main worry and low point. I was really struggling to discover my new role but now I am finally finding my feet and enjoy the new part of me so much. Everybody suffers from post natal depression in different ways, some women struggle to bond with their babies, others struggle to find themselves and others just struggle. As I've suffered with depression in the past I was always on the look out for my feelings to drop and I believe by noticing it early I was able to grab a hold of it. I worked so hard to carry on life as normal as possible but to be honest about how I felt. Being really honest and open about how I felt made it so much easier as I felt others understood when I wasnt feeling great. It helped me to open up about my feelings and through talking about how I felt I was able to work through my difficult moments and come out the other side a much happier person.

My time with Charles is so precious and I am so grateful that I still have all my time to devote to looking after him. I dread going back to work and leaving him especially as he is developing so fast now. I love being his Mummy, I love his smiles in the morning when he sees me come in, I love his little hands working so hard to grab at everything and how he is so inquesitive. But most of all I love how I feel looking after him, hes my son and there is nothing I enjoy more than caring for him.

I am so lucky to have such a supportive base around me, my fiance, my family and my best friend have been more than just a rock to me over the past few months and I owe them so much for all the help they've given me. There is nothing better than when you are feeling down than to just have people who love you around you. No matter how low you are feelinga hug from a loved one always helps lift you up.

I don't want to say that I am cured, or that I no longer have pnd. I just want to say that I am coming out of it. I feel so much better on a day to day basis, even when the day is hard I still find a reason to smile and be happy. I am so grateful for my two loves, these souls are my everything and because of them I am feeling much more like me, and a me I really quite like.

Here is a little picture of my two favourite people, that literally make me smile every single day.

Loves, Ellie.

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