Having the baby blues.

A couple of weeks ago I realised that my low days were outnumbering my happy days and decided to go to the doctors. They came to the conclusion that I was suffering from postnatal depression and I agreed. I believe to some point all new mums suffer with post natal depression, some worst than others however. So after having the baby blues for a little bit now I thought it was time to talk about it.

There are so many types of the baby blues and with around 1 in 10 women suffer from it after having a baby all cases are different.

I want to talk about my experience of it but do not take my experience as what it is. For me I started to feel really low, and to be honest think I was probably suffering with prenatal depression in the last month or two of my pregnancy. Before I finished work to start maternity leave it hit me how much my life was changing and then when I went on maternity leave I had nothing to do. Thus Pepper and The Robinsons was born. But since having Charlie my life is still changing and I don't think I am dealing with the change very well which is where my PND kicks in.

I don't feel like the Ellie that used to be, and to be honest that Ellie doesn't really exist anymore. Shes turned into a mother now and therefore so much has changed. But I do not want becoming a mother to define who I am. Its such a struggle that I think a lot of new parents go through. Trying to figure out who they are now they have this little person to look after.

I love Charlie with all my heart and I am so lucky with how great he is. I am so glad that we all have him in our lives and I wouldn't change it for the world. But having a baby is hard and I am not scared to say it. There are times when I hear him crying and literally want to walk into another room to ignore him to have five minutes peace, and he's not even a crying baby often. I adore having to look after him but I couldn't live without the nights where he stays over at his grandparents and Ben and I get to have some time to ourselves. We do miss the little fella when he's away though, who wouldn't with a face like this.

To get better I am on some tablets which I definitely think are working. I need to get out of the house more and do things with people as I am suffering from really bad social anxiety. Slowly but surely I am getting there with baby steps. One thing at a time.

I just wanted to write a little about how I felt, I wanted to let people know of how it felt like to me and to maybe give people an insight into how it feels when you don't feel amazing after having your little bundle of joy. Its hard! But its ok.

Love to all,

If you would like some more information on postnatal depression follow this link here.
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